Directions: Think
about the following questions as you read through this excerpt, and comment on the blog: How have the
roles of women and men changed over time? How have we defined the roles of men
and women? How have things stayed the same? Make connections using 2-4 direct quotations from Pride & Prejudice in your responses. Please review the blog criteria.
"ADVICE TO THE NEWLY MARRIED LADY"
by Samuel K. Jennings (1808)
INTRODUCTION
Madam,
You have happily allied yourself to the man for whom you
leave your father’s house, for whom you cheerfully forsake all the world
besides. With him, as your protector and bosom friend, you promise yourself
many endearing pleasures. You perceive that “Innocence, candor, sincerity,
heroism and piety, express themselves with grace ineffable in every attitude,
in every feature of the man you love.” You are therefore highly concerned how
you may secure an equal share, and a permanent continuance of his affection and
esteem. On this point turns your future happiness or misery. Mutual love and
tenderness properly preserved, secures to you the greatest earthly blessing. In
proportion to the want or loss of these, you are miserable for life.
Although this consideration very much concerns your husband
as well as yourself, yet I must be permitted to assure you, that you are most
deeply interested. His engagements as a man, will necessarily keep up his
attention. He will have frequent occasion to mix with agreeable and interesting
company. His acquaintance will be extended, his amusements multiplied. He of
course will have an asylum, should home become tiresome or disagreeable. But
your house is your only refuge, your husband your only companion. Should he
abandon you, solitude, anxiety and tears, must be your unhappy lot. You cannot
fly for amusement to the race ground, to the chase, to the card table, or to
the tavern. You cannot look out for a gallant, to whom you may impart your
slighted love. You must either languish in bitterness, or learn to compose your
feelings, by stoical indifference.
PROPER CONDUCT OF THE WIFE TOWARDS HER HUSBAND
1. As it is your great wish and interest to enjoy much of
your husband’s company and conversation, it will be important to acquaint
yourself with his temper, his inclination, and his manner, that you may render
your house, your person and your disposition quite agreeable to him. By
observing with accuracy, and guarding your words and actions with prudence, you
may quickly succeed according to your wishes.
2. Here perhaps you ask, why so much pains necessary on my
part?... But under present circumstances, it is your interest to adapt yourself
to your husband, whatever may be his peculiarities. Again, nature has made man
the stronger, the consent of mankind has given him superiority over his wife,
his inclination is, to claim his natural and acquired rights…
3. In obedience then to this precept of the gospel [“Wives
submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord”], to the laws of
custom and of nature, you ought to cultivate a cheerful and happy submission.
WIFE OUGHT NOT TO APPEAR IN THE HUSBAND’S BUSINESS…
Men and women appear to best advantage each in their own
proper station… If it were to save appearances only, the husband at least to
seem to be the head. And therefore if you are determined to rule him, adopt the
following plan. “When any article of property is to be bought or sold, take him
aside, teach him the price to be given or received, point out the kind of
payment, the time to be paid, &c. &c. let the whole business be
properly adjusted, and then let the poor fellow go forward and seem to act like
a man.”
THE SURE WAY OF HAPPINESS IN THE MARRIED STATE
The great point for securing happiness in the married state,
is, to be mutually accommodating. The parties should look over one another’s
faults, and contemplate one another’s excellencies. We all have defects, and it
is much better to dwell on your own faults, than on those of your husband.
ONE WORD IN FAVOUR OF ECONOMY
Strict adherence to the conduct recommended in the former
chapters, is highly important. But I must inform you, that good economy and
judicious8 house-wifery must also be added, or your happiness can by no means
be complete. It affords a dismal prospect to a man who wishes to make a living,
to find a double and triple quantity of every article of family consumption
necessary to meet his wife’s regulations and management.
